Conflict of Emotions
(The emotional conflict of a girl towards her to be born sibling)
By
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
“You know you are going to have a new sibling! Whether it is a brother or sister to you, having a sibling is indeed wonderful, is it is not? Leading a lonely life is indeed very much painful.” Looking intently into his daughter’s face Rakesh said.
“Ever I said that I have been feeling lonely?” Sirisha knitted her brows. “And how and why I do feel like that while you and mom always be with me?”
“You are right dear!” Rakesh forced a smile onto his lips. “But having a sibling to play with us, spend time with us would be very much joyous! I used to feel so much happy playing and spending time with my brothers and sisters.”
“I am not thinking that I can enjoy like that with a sibling who is more than fourteen years young to me.” The venom in her voice then shocked Rakesh. “I cannot just welcome such a thing into my life.”
“But, darling..........” Rakesh tried to say something more.
“Dad, please.........” Sirisha interrupted him and said. “........having another child is your choice. If you do like it and enjoy it, just do so, I have no objection. But don’t try to force me to like something which I cannot like at all.” The strongest desire in her not to have a sibling made her talk like that with her dad.
“It is not at all a way to talk with your dad, Sirisha!” Rakesh angrily said.
“I am sorry dad. I should not have talked like that.” Pretending a regretful expression in her face Sirisha said. “I just could not remain without expressing my opinion. I just don’t like to have a sibling. If you both want to have another child, that is upto you.” After saying that as if she did not want to talk anything more with him, Sirisha put herself into the book which she was reading then.
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Time was going on heavily and both her parents were not talking anything with Sirisha. It was making her more enraged that there was no positive response at all from her parents and she understood that her parents decided to have the other child. The desire to do something as if to take revenge on them also was becoming more and more in her. But she just could not think of something what she would do to make her parents hurt to the maximum.
While she was worrying and struggling like that on the bed in her room, she remembered Chandana. How dare and how audacious that they could even exchange kisses! She said they would have committed that sinful thing also if the place was convenient for them to do it. My god! How much daring she should be to do that? Sirisha could not even think like that.
Sirisha knew that Chandana was more knowledgeable about the forbidden knowledge and in fact it was through Chandana, Sirisha came to know about sexual intercourse probably while she was studying fifth class or so. Even though whatever she heard was some extent shocking and disgusting, it made her thrilled also.
“But a girl must become a woman to have it. I came to know.” After few days of sharing the above piece of forbidden knowledge, Chandana said.
“What it is becoming a woman, I cannot understand!”confusion masked the face of Sirisha.
Deep frowns gathered on the forehead of Sirisha while she was listening intently whatever Chandana was saying then in a measured tone.
“You and I both would have it sometime in future. Until we become women, we cannot have it with a man and become pregnant.” Chandana concluded.
“But blood like that? I am feeling fear!” even though whatever she has heard was thrilling also to her, she felt fear to that aspect.
“No need to feel fear to that as that blood is not because of any wound. There will be no pain at all to us. Not just that, we do have blood like that from there every month.”
“But that prospect is making me feel fear. Are not you feeling fear?” Sirisha knitted her brows together.
“My cousin said that there is no need to feel fear to it at all as there will be no pain and it is a must to every girl. If a girl does not become a woman, she cannot have sexual intercourse and cannot become pregnant.”
“Is it is just impossible having it without becoming a woman?” by then Sirisha used to the idea of becoming a woman and stopped feeling fear to that.
“It is not so. A girl before becoming a woman also can have it but it will not be full-fledged and she cannot become pregnant! Anyhow can you guess how my cousin came to know about this?” Sirisha laughed and said. “My cousin tried to have it with a guy and it went only half deep into her. She felt pain when he tried to force it down and somehow they managed it. Later she came to know about it from a matured woman that a girl cannot have it full-fledged until she becomes a woman.”
“So she was subjected only to pain!” Sirisha also laughed.
“Not of course. When she said there was pain to her, he stopped forcing it down and I already said to you that they somehow managed it. Even though it is not full-fledged, they are enjoying it.”
“You are using present tense!” with a smile on her lips Sirisha said.
“Just because they are having it occasionally now also.” Chandana sighed heavily. “She is so eagerly waiting to become a woman as she came to know that sexual intercourse then will be so much delicious and wonderful!”
It was Sirisha who became a woman first and Chandana followed her suit and it happened in their seventh class. By then they have become even more knowledgeable about forbidden matters and talked wildly in between themselves but never dared even to think about having sex with someone. But the idea to have sex with someone was always thrilling to Sirisha. Her mind sometimes automatically imagine having sex with boys and during that time her whole body would be with a sort of thrill and pleasure! Even she admonished Chandana for her venturing to kisses with Sarath and put her into caution, she envied her courage! Could she also do like that with someone?
Manoj’s parents entrusted the responsibility of Manoj to Sanjna until they return and it was Sirisha who was taking the things into his house to give to him. In other situations, because of her anger on her mom, she would not have agreed to it but she was feeling a sort of thrill in spending time with him so she was taking those food items into his house. In fact she was feeling worry that she could not spend time like that with him once his parents returned.
Could she do something like that with Manoj? This idea was recent in her and creating so much thrill and joy. How it will be indeed kissing like that and having it with him? She sat straight as if she could not lay like that anymore with that disturbing thought. She was imagining involuntarily that he was making her nude, placing his hands everywhere on her body and.....my god! She sighed heavily and lied on the bed again.
Then, only then, she has got that idea to make their parents to feel hurt! ‘How it is having it with him and become pregnant?’ that idea was just like an electric shock! And if she has become pregnant, it would be the perfect thing to hurt her parents to the maximum! As they both were adamant like that to have another child without bothering with her protestations, why should not she do something like that to hurt them? Especially she wanted to see the painful and hurting expression on the face of her mom when she knew that she was pregnant. The thrill and pleasure she was going to have while having it with him and her strong desire to hurt her parents to the maximum, made her to take that decision! Yes, she would have it with him. That Manoj was appearing more moral conscientious but she was confident that she could make him agree to it. She was confident that when a beautiful girl like her advanced herself, no boy would deny having it.
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“You are right dear! Better we don’t have it. Our daughter is very much against it and it is not advisable at all having it against her will and wish. We are concerned more about her welfare than anything else.” when they both were alone in their bedroom again, Rakesh said. “I talked with her and she is not appearing even a little agreeable to have a sibling.”
“I just, just don’t know what to say.” Looking at her both hands fingernails Sanjana said. “Why she is adamant like that? Why just she is considering her incoming sibling as an enemy to her?”
“There is not much wrong on her part also. She has led a lonely and monopolistic life till now and it is becoming difficult to her to accept someone who shares everything in equal measure with her. She just cannot understand how nice it is going to be to her to share the things with a brother or sister and I am pretty sure that we cannot make her understand the point. The little time I have spent with her on that point made it quite sure to me.”
There was silence between them both for few seconds and breaking it Rakesh said again. “If we do have it against her opposition, she may accept it and agree with it once her brother or sister takes birth. Seeing her brother or sister in flesh and blood may get change in her heart.”
“It takes near five months to that Rakesh and in between she spoils her studies with this disturbing thinking. Don’t forget that she is in most crucial stage of her life, in her tenth class! If she cannot get good marks in it or fails in it just because of her improper studying? She becomes more upset than you and I also and I just cannot think what would be the consequences. Moreover.........” she paused a second and sighed heavily. “.........what is the guarantee that seeing her sibling in flesh and blood would get a change in her? What if she feels the same rancour against it then also?”
“What you have said also is true.” Rakesh sighed heavily. “Then fulfilling her strongly desired wish is the only option left to us.”
“It has to be done fast. Before I develop more and more love and affection on it, it has to be got rid of.” Tears were flowing down on the cheeks of Sanjana. “You have good doctor friends...........”
“I will arrange for it you don’t worry.” Rakesh hugged his wife and kissed on her both cheeks. “We just think it never has happened to you. You please don’t deplore for it anymore.”
After that, as if he could not stay any longer with his wife seeing her worrying like that, he went out of that room. In fact he was even more worrying as he has to lose the so much cherished second child just because of their daughter’s stubbornness.
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“I don’t have this pleasure from tomorrow onwards.” Manoj said looking into the face of Sirisha when she entered into his house along with the food items. “Both my parents will be in the home by early morning tomorrow.”
(I hope that you enjoyed this story upto here. I publish the next chapter as soon as possible. Please don’t forget to rate and review this story)
